im tired

i ran a lot of errands today. ya know when i wasn't at school. it's really a lot of work pretending to be a mom. um i'm super tired and my body is super sore too. and i cut the part between two of my toes yesterday and it's the freaking worst man. and i'm pretty sure my orchestra teacher is trying to summon satan with our current piece so that's fun.

nosebleeds

i'm learning how to do things for myself. i think i'm pretty good at it. it's hard for me to say no to things and people. i enjoy being there for other people. when someone asks me what i can do, i find it hard to answer because i can figure out how to do whatever needs to be done. i'm proficient in most tasks and i am willing to learn how to do more. i'm open to learning and trying new things. i like when i feel like someone else needs me and is depending on me for something. it makes me feel valuable, and needed. i feel like that's not the worst thing to derive your worth from.
it's getting warmer outside which is strange for mid january but whatever. there are only a few days of torture left this week before we get a break. ugh i keep getting nosebleeds because it's been so dry and it's the worst. like i'll be just chilling in class ya know half paying attention (which is better than i can say for most of the class) and then all of the sudden bam i'm bleeding. it's just the worst ya know like it's more of an inconvenience than anything else but still. it's almost midnight and i have school tomorrow talk to y'all tomorrow. sorry for another short post but i was super super busy today like i just got home at 10 for the first time since 7:30 this morning that was more than popping home to get changed. whatever i'm a busy kid bye.

i hate boys (except for MY boys)

really though. like why can't they just act normal? what is so wrong with a boy and a girl being friends? why does it always have to be something more than that?? like i've known my guy friends way too long for them to be anything more than that. i watched them grow up. i still see them as the little boys they were when i met them. they're like my children at this point. i've taken care of them when they're sick or hurt and i feed them and take care of them and i care about them. and today i found out that someone hurt one of my little boys. it was his girlfriend. she broke up with him. i don't know why, but i know it was through text around thanksgiving. he's not really a little boy, he's a freshman in college, but he still cried. she made my little boy cry. i don't like that. luckily, i'll likely never see her again, so she'll probably never hurt my little boy again.  i don't know why i'm like this. i don't like when people are upset and i act like a mama bear. it's probably gonna only get worse too. i don't really care.
sorry for the super short post but i can't think of anything to write and it's late.

back again

wow two posts in one day get wild on a monday. making up for lost time i guess. you know what i've never understood? why people always say mondays are the worst. i really don't mind mondays all that much. i think pretty much all week days aren't equally horrid, and as my piano teacher says, "one seventh of your life is mondays, don't go in hating one seventh of your life before it's even happened." i really like that honestly.
i don't know what i'm doing. with this blog i mean. i have my life figured out mostly and that's pretty good for being seventeen. i'm going to college next year for certain, having already been accepted, and getting an rn to be either a labor and delivery nurse or an er nurse. as a child i never even thought about being a nurse.  it was no where near on my radar. i always thought i would be a lawyer or a teacher  but never a nurse. as i got older and learned more about myself and medicine i realized that i would be really good at nursing and oh my glob this post sucks oh well we'll all get over it.
i'm still really hoping for the aquarium date. and maybe if i'm really lucky i'll see him tomorrow too. the chances of that are pretty slim to none but i'll still remain hopeful. i have been talking to him more recently than i used to and hopefully it'll stay like that (knock on wood) i've liked the same kid for three years now and idk why i keep saying kid. he's nineteen years old he's not a kid. whatever i like him and i've liked him for a while so i'm just super hopeful that it works itself out eventually. i like his family and they like me and my family likes him do it would just be super good okay??? comment any advice you have for me if you feel like it (but like actually please) wow i feel so vulnerable purting this all out on the internet but whatever it's too late now. it's late i'm going to bed. i'll write again tomorrow. until then.

sorry that i'm the worst

i know i've missed a few days. it's been an eventful two days to say the least. saturday morning, around 4 am one of the girls had a seizure. all the other girls in her room woke up and an ambulance came and got her and took her to the hospital. luckily, everything is okay. then saturday afternoon, after the morning session, we all went snowboarding. i only made it down the mountain once though, and it took me an hour because i fell so many times. this wasn't my first time snowboarding so i don't know why i was having so many issues and so many falls.  i couldn't stop once i picked up speed. the only way i was stopping was when i fell. and boy did i fall. with each fall i could feel the pain in my body growing and i kept telling myself that the only way to stop feeling the pain was to get to the bottom of the mountain. i knew that with each fall my pain would grow more intense in the days to come. the only thing standing between me and the lodge was the rest of that mountain and i had to get down it one way or another. i fell hard, and i fell often, and two days later i can still feel where i fell the hardest, and all my muscles are still sore from pushing my body back up onto my snowboard after falling and sliding each time. but i don't discount my experience on the mountain that day. it taught me a lot about who i am. it showed me that i am determined and i persevere through obstacles, but also that i know my limits. i'm finding my balance of what i can and can't do, and i'm okay with that. does this mean that i'll never snowboard again? probably not. it's likely that i'll go again, possibly even this year as crazy as that sounds. because to me, it's about the people i'm with, not what we're doing.
i'm not gonna lie here, it was an off weekend for everyone. people were just acting different than they usually do, and it was kinda weird. people that are usually outgoing were more detached, and one kid in particular who typically keeps to himself was hanging out with everyone, and was flirting with all of the girls in our group. people were just acting different for no reason and i'm not sure why.
it's so cold outside. i can't wait until friday. that's when i leave the cold and head for sunny orlando to spend the week in disney. it's in the upper teens right now and i miss the warmth of the sun more than ever. as someone who is always cold, i can't understand why anyone could prefer winter.
so here i sit. alone at a table in the cafeteria writing this post from my phone, which has become the norm recently. i don't really mind sitting alone because i know that my friends aren't outside the four walls that make up my high school. and i know that i'll still have them after high school. i can't wait for graduation though. having already been accepted into my first choice college i find it excruciatingly difficult to care about high school. i have just over four months left.
sorry this post has been kinda all over the place, i have a lot on my mind and only two minutes left of lunch. i might be going to the aquarium soon with the kid i like. we were talking about lions on saturday and i suggested we go to the zoo and see the lions, and he said that he likes the aquarium better because it has a better ambiance, so we should go there instead. i agreed, but inside i know that this will likely end up like all our other plans, that stay just that. but who knows, maybe i'll plant the idea in his head later and it'll actually happen...
lunch is over gotta go back to calculus. i'll be posting again tomorrow and maybe even later today if you're really lucky

it's all good in the hood

So guess what. i'm going snowboarding this weekend on a retreat with all my friends. except the thing is i didn't know i was gonna be able to go until about an hour ago. you see, i was going to get the ingredients to make my moms birthday cake, and i stopped to say goodbye to them, and they told me to come with them, because another girl got sick and couldn't come. so i called my parents and my mom told me to go. so here i am in the car on the way to the hotel. i'm so freaking excited.
i'm just now realizing that i'm going to start this week on the mountains and end it in florida, because we're going to disney world this friday.
i don't know how i'm going to keep up on this blog without anyone noticing, but rest assured i'll find a way. today was not a snow day from school, but oh well. it's all good in the hood ya know, because life has a funny way of working itself out. i mean really it always works out in the end. i gotta go, we're about to stop for dinner. i'll tell you guys how snowboarding goes tomorrow byeee

i really need a snow day

i just feel like i could really use one. like the three days of school this week have been too much and i could really just use an extra day off or two ya know.
i'm super terrible at writing essays for school. like i get average scores at best and today i got handed back an essay with the worst grade i've ever gotten on a timed writing before and usually she lets us redo them but she took too long to grade them so now we're out of time in the quarter. i really wanna fight her sometimes.
i got a lot of scholarship stuff done yesterday when i was pretending to be a productive person with their life together lol. if i do have to go to school tomorrow though, at least it's my easy day. that makes school much more tolerable.
ugh i am so lazy. i don't even wanna get up to turn my fan on. it's too much effort to get some water and braid my hair and eat oreos even though they're all things i wanna do. and i had to take the recycling out tonight and i was so paranoid i was looking all around me the entire time i was taking it out and i sprinted the whole way back home. i cant ever remember a time, even as a kid when i didn't sprint back home. and because i did it, naturally all my little sisters followed in my footsteps and all of us still do it to this day even though it's been about 10 years.
it's getting to that time of night again friends, the time where i tell myself i'm gonna go to bed and then don't actually and as you probably could've guessed, my sister still has the laptop. i tried to write at school today, and the firewall blocked it because this web address is "unknown" i think this should count as creative writing and that i should get some sort of credit for writing something. in a way, this collection of my thoughts shows what i've learned throughout the day about people and teachers and social interactions and life in general in addition to the writing skills demonstrated in some of my better posts. anyway i'm off to bed see you kids on the flip side.

what is my deal with pineapple

guess who's sister still hasn't caught up on homework? my sister. you'd think after 2 months she'd be able to make up for a week missed. but really though she's ridiculous. oh my glob i was at school today and i got like a mini nosebleed and it started to drip down my throat(sorry thats kinda gross i'm now realizing) and it was the worst feeling it started burning.
I just found out that my english teacher just moved in a couple blocks away, on the same street as my old best friend who now hates me for some unknown reason but we'll get into that on another day. I went to baskin robbins today. you know how they have those clown cones? well i bought all 7 of them. and i know the girl who was working there and she was all "why are you buying all of those" and i said it was because i wanted to and i could and my entire family wanted them so i had to get them. okay?
oh my glob my school is doing hairspray as our musical this year and i'm playing bass guitar in the pit orchestra and the guitar section is the best thing ever. at rehearsal yesterday i sat on a huge amp crisscross applesauce with no shoes and no one even thought twice about it. my section has 2 guys that play electric guitar and me and this other guy on electric bass. i wasn't sure how pit orchestra was gonna go, because the kids that hate me the most at school all do pit orchestra, and it's not that i care what they think, but i'd rather not spend 2 hours a week and all the hours of tech week and the performances with so many unappealing clones of the same person. but it's turning out to actually be fun.
wow it's after 11 how did this happen?? i mean i know time goes on at the same rate but whatever it still surprises me sometimes. guess i'll go to bed, night kiddos.

pineapple is for the soul

on today's episode of my life: school restarted. yes, it was just as miserable as i had anticipated. but i didn't have work or any plans (for the first time in forever) so i stayed home and watched more episodes of untold stories of the er. i love that show so much. it really shows just how stupid people are and that you never know what people are gonna do. ya know, for the most evolved species, some of us don't act very evolved.
i got some more pineapple today. i cut it up all nice and put it in a bowl in the fridge and i ate some of it then, and i'm glad i did before my sisters ate it all. younger siblings are just the worst sometimes. (or most times but whatever)
the more time i spend on my own, away from the people i depended on the mosr, the. ore i see just how derived my personality is from my interactions with them. i guess it's kinda good to detox a little bit. when i was little i always had this air about me, like i was gonna be who i was and people were gonna like that, but i guess when i got into middle school i kind of lost that. one thing i've never lost, however is my ability to cause fear in people. apparently, people feel threatened by me, which has worked both to my benefit, and against me all throughout my lifetime. it gives me a little bit of confidence in my ability to protect myself, should the situation arise, but it has caused friends of mine to want to keep their distance, to avoid upsetting me. i didn't realize that i was so threatening to so many people until recently, but apparently i am. i mean honestly look at my profile picture i don't look threatening do i? feel free to comment your opinions.
i gotta go to bed since this whole "school" thing is still happening. oh yea that reminds me i was in class today and my teacher asked me to do him a favor, and hands me his keys and tells me to go out to his car and get some boxes out of his trunk, in the middle of class. so i'm walking through the halls, keys in hand, and the teacher with the least amount of trust in me looks at me as i walk past his classroom after hearing the jingling of the keys. i looked at him, dead in the face and said "don't worry about it" and continued on my merry way. i thought that was pretty fan-fricken-tastic.
alright so school is still tomorrow, pineapple is still delicious, and my sister is still hogging the laptop. talk to y'all tomorrow

finally got the crunch wrap

you'll all be very happy to know that i did finally get my crunch wrap. it is however with great sadness that i tell you all that i have to go back to school tomorrow. I did just eat some oreos though and that was pretty good.
oh my glob old people are so petty. Honestly though they are just the worst. it's like they have nothing better to do so they just complain about the dumbest little things that mean absolutely nothing to anyone. thanks to some in particular i now get to spend my time counting crackers. seriously though in the grand scheme of things is it really going to matter if there were four unsalted and four salted crackers on your table every night??? NO!!! it's meaningless and a waste of my time and the company dollar. (sorry for the rant but the point is coming) i hope when i get to be that old i don't think that the only thing that's worth worrying about is how many crackers are in a basket or butters are in a bowl. it's kind of sad actually.
sorry for the lack of capitalization and proper grammar on these last two posts my sisters been hogging the laptop.
So i guess i should probably go to bed now bc it's almost midnight and i have school tomorrow and honestly idk if i'm ready for that reality (please let it snow or let the roads freeze or something) oh but i almost forgot my last day of sleeping in was TARNISHED bc i went out to breakfast with my grandparents and they're morning people for some odd reason so they insisted that we go out at 8:30 (they said they were letting me sleep in) and then they didn't even come to get me and my sisters until almost nine. ugh i guess that's a continuation of my old people rant but whatever. i'm really glad that someone changed the Hollywood sign to say Hollyweed. it's pretty funny. until tomorrow then bye

It's almost 2 am on New Years Day.  I think I'd rather not post this actually i'm too tired to write.
Ok that is why I don't write in the middle of the night. I'm supposed to be at a surprise party right now but it doesn't start until 7 am done i miss a little earl you but whatevs. guess i'll go in. sorry this post i said so lame i'll probably add more later k