Hey, hey, you, you, I COULD BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND

ya know that old Avril Lavigne song, girlfriend? well its been stuck in my head.  for weeks.  And I know why too.  no song has been able to capture my current relationship status like girlfriend.  the whole song is just so true to the situation.  usually a part of a song will be super duper relatable and other parts will be completely irrelevant, but all of girlfriend is just so damn accurate.  They broke up on Monday night, so the song isn't completely true, but on Monday when he was telling me all about how awful she'd been to him all I could think about was this song.  I KNOW he likes me.  Especially when he texts me and tells me crazy things about himself that not even his best friend know.  He texts and calls me all the time when he just needs someone to talk to, because he KNOWS I'll be there when he needs me the most.  I've always been reliable like that.  I just want us to be together.  I know all that there is to know about him and I still love and support him despite his mistakes.  He posts about someday having a girl that will love him for who he is and will be there for him, but I AM THAT GIRL NOW!!!!! boys are so dumb I swear.  he tells me everything and yet he doesn't realize that I am that girl, or maybe he does realize and doesn't want it to be true because we're so geographically distanced.  When I graduate college, I'll move down there if that's what it takes for both of us to be happy.  And for now we can text and call and facetime in between visits to each other.  I know that we can make this work, but he'd have to be willing, and we'd have to tough out a long distance relationship for the next three and a half years (or less if we get married ;P) But whatever.  I'm probably just gonna have to deal with another almost relationship coming and going, but I really hope not.  I want to make this work.    

Sorry it's been so long

Yeah, yeah I suck. I know. But I've been super duper busy. Since my last post, I've been to prom with that guy from the last post (who by the way I continued to have adventures with through the time he got on a plane to go home and I still talk to him every day but I'll talk about that later). I've been to Disney world (again, and it was just as great that time). I went to a summer camp, I was a camp counselor at a summer camp, I went to the beach, and I started college. My life is constantly changing, but I'm okay with it. I babysit a whole lot more now than I ever did before. I think I'm gonna use this post to catch y'all up on my life over these past couple months. Prom was amazing. I had the cutest date and it caught everyone off guard. No one was expecting me to show up with a 21 year old former Hollister model, but I did. I think that's my specialty, catching people off guard. It's always so fun. The best part of me having him as my date was all the fun we had together. And, I'm gonna be petty here- the guy I was supposed to go with (who went through 7, yes SEVEN, dates before prom) was there by himself. Not even with friends, because they didn't want to spend time with him after he went through so many girls. (I was #2 by the way). We got tons of cute pictures from the photo booth, and the guy I told everyone to nominate won prom king. Throughout the night, he kept asking me what I wanted to do, and made sure I was having fun, which was super sweet. When it was time to go to afterprom, my date and I changed in the hotel bathrooms. We were, incidentally, wearing the same outfit. We had gotten matching white converse to wear to prom, so we were both wearing those, but we also both brought jeans and his band t-shirt to change into. It was sooooo cute!!!!! We were hungry between prom and afterprom, so we stopped at taco bell. There I was, driving down the highway at 12:30 with him feeding me taco bell. I was living in a teenage fantasy. Afterprom was fairly uneventful, other than us jumping on the moon bounce, and playing along with the songs the DJ was playing on the instruments at the facility. I finally got him home around 3:15, and he made me promise to text him when I got home to make sure I was safe. The next morning, at around 9 o'clock, he texted me to see if I was awake, and if I wanted to hang out. I obviously did, so I went and picked him up. We went to the mall and walked around, went to H&M (of course) and eventually got chick-fil-a. After all of that, we went to church to work on another song. We started a few songs that day, but nothing ever got finished. We ended up wandering around the building for hours until stumbling upon worship team practice. (He was upset because it was his last week here, and they didn't schedule him to play). They needed an electric guitar player, so they asked him to help. He and I laughed to each other, and then he went off to practice with them. I ended up watching the kids of the other band members while he was busy. We eventually met back up and got to hang out some more before he had to go play. I know this part isn't very interesting but I got to spend a lot of time with him before he left and that meant a lot to me, even if we were just together, not even talking. We ended up being together for 14 hours that day, and we did the same thing the next day and almost every day until he had to go home. Originally, our youth pastor was supposed to take him to the airport that day, but something came up and he couldn't give him a ride. Not wanting to spend $80 to Uber to the airport, and spend his last day here sitting in a dingy, spider-infested basement, he texted me. We ended up going to an art museum in the city that he really wanted to go to in the morning, before going to an eclectic local diner for lunch. We still had some time to go before he needed to be at the airport, so we went to the harbor, and walked around, where he bought a shirt from urban outfitters. Then I took him to the airport. Whenever we were in the car, he would control the music. The last song he put on was a song in Italian, "Con Ti Partiro", which he told me roughly translates to "Until we meet again." I would've died right then and there had I not planned on seeing him again in a week. (I took one of his guitars to Disney with me so he didn't have to pay extra to bring two home.) From the airport I went to counseling, and then to graduation. That's right, graduation. My June 1st was jam-packed and I wouldn't change it for the world. I still talk to him everyday, even though its been almost 6 months since I've seen him. We talk about everything. He's planning to come up to visit in January for his birthday, and I'm counting down the days. I cant wait to see him in person, and not be over 1000 miles away. And this time, he's staying at my house, so we can hang out 24/7. (In theory. In reality my parents are crazy and are not gonna let that happen, but I'll also be on break between the fall and spring semesters then, so I'll do what I please when I'm home all day. I'll let y'all know how it all plays out.)

Yikes

SO yeah.  Its been a bop since I even thought about this blog.  A lot has happened in the 2 months since I've been on here, so lemme start from the beginning.  That guy I was writing about liking in the last post??? He's no longer a person I talk to.  While we were talking and hanging out and going to Prom together (or planning on it) he was also apparently talking to another girl.  Oh, and they started dating.  But he didn't want me to know any of this.  But, he decided that he didn't want to go to Prom with me anymore, but didn't want me to know about any of this either.  Oh, and he told all of this to one of our mutual friends, who told me soon after so I could tell him to go before he got the chance to ask.  Ya know, I did like him, but I know that I deserve to be treated better than that.  So I told him to go to Prom with her instead and that I'd find a new date (the last thing I need in my life is pity from a guy who is too insecure to be without a girlfriend).  And after weeks on end of not having a date, I finally got one, a day before paperwork was due (that worked out luckily).  But my new date gets his own paragraph.  But honestly, what goes around comes around, because I am now going to Prom with a 21 year old musician (who happens to be a former Hollister model) (ya girls gettin it) and my original date went through a total of 7 dates and is now going alone.  And not that I think going alone is something to be ashamed of (that was my plan for weeks) but I know that he does, and honestly, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't amused by his lack of a date.  When you're not good to people, they're not good to you.
So here we go.  I have a new date to Prom.  And we've been hanging out a lot.  A LOT.  Yikes.  Except he's the intern at my church which makes him technically my youth leader.  But since I'm 18 I don't really know if that matters.  But he's so sweet and honestly I'm dreading the day he has to leave (which, like any good hallmark movie is the same day as my graduation).  I was telling some of my guy friends about the stuff he's done for me, and the stuff we do when we hang out and they're all trying to tell me that he likes me (which wouldn't be an issue to be honest).  I'll fill you guys in.  We were playing with the worship team the weekend of my birthday, and I'm a lot younger than all the other people on the worship team.  They all asked me how old I was so I told them, 17.  Then he interjected and said "yeah, but she's 18 tomorrow!" So the next morning, between our church's 2 services, they all gave me a card and a muffin and candy and sang Happy Birthday to me.  And immediately after that, he and our youth pastor decided that he needed to run an "errand".  Well it turned out that "errand" was to get me an Oreo ice cream cake (we found an ice cream cake in the freezer a few weeks before and I said something about liking ice cream cake and he remembered and 2 days before we talked about how Oreos are the greatest things ever) and a birthday card.  But it's not just any ordinary card.  It plays a song, and it has a disco ball inside of it that spins.  Its an 8 dollar card.  EIGHT FREAKING DOLLARS ON A CARD.  Yikes.  So he and I are the worship leaders for the youth group, and we have rehearsals on Saturday nights (I usually work but I put it on the hurry up if I know he's waiting for me).  A few Saturdays ago, he texted me in the morning, and it was a video of him climbing onto the roof of the church, which again I'd said I wanted to do.  So that night, we went up on the roof (accompanied by 3 middle schoolers, mind you).  That same night we played hide and seek in the whole church.  He and I hid together in the kitchen and none of the kids had any idea where we were.  While we were in the kitchen, we got to talking.  I told him about being abused as a kid, and he totally got where I was coming from, and he told me about something similar that happened to him.  And ya know what?? As horrible as it sounds, I like that he can understand where I'm coming from.  I like that he gets it.  And if we ever got to be anything more than what we are right now, I know that he'd be understanding of my timeline of our events based on what I've been through.  But where was I??? Ah the kitchen,  The kids eventually found us (we got bored and moved spots).  And shortly after, all the kids except my sister's best friend (who I've known for her entire life) were gone.  He told me that he wanted ice cream.  So we raided the fridge (as usual) but all we found was root beer.  So we grabbed the root beer, jumped in my car and headed to Target at 10:30 on a Saturday night.  After running around the store like maniacs (as usual) we settled on chocolate and vanilla ice cream and headed back out to my car.  He said that he didn't want to mess up my car, so we opened the doors, stood on the seats, and used the roof of my car as a table to make our root beer floats, while blasting Katy Perry's Chained to the Rhythm.  I love our adventures. Yesterday, he was complaining to me about how he hadn't eaten in 24 hours (because he left his insulin at his grandparent's house when he visited them out of state for the weekend and being diabetic, can't eat carbs without insulin), so I took him to the grocery store and made him get food, and we ran around the grocery store like crazy people, as usual.  I just love spending time with him.  Oh yeah I almost forgot!!! He's the songwriter/ lead singer/ rhythmic guitarist for an indie band (and they're being offered a record deal when he goes back home) and they have music on iTunes and Spotify, and he asked me to help him with what he lovingly referred to as his "Taylor Swift breakup song" and I (of course) willingly obliged.  I wrote the bass line for it, and he asked me to record it for the song (so I did obviously) and he asked me to sing the harmonies for him which I also did. And he told me that I'd be listed as a composer on the album when it comes out which is super duper exciting.  I didn't even know that I could sing well, let alone well enough to be on iTunes.  But that was super fun to work on and super exciting.  All these people keep asking me if/ when I'm moving to Florida and if we're dating and when the wedding is and I don't even know if he likes me.  Like people I would never expect to say that kind of thing to me.  Like my parents "subtly" mentioning that they'll support me no matter where I live and talking about how great schools in Florida are.  Or my grandmother talking about how great she thinks he is and then randomly telling me how she got married right out of high school and it worked out great.  I don't know what to do.  But I know that on Saturday, we're going to get ice cream at my favorite little family farm around lunchtime, and then after I get off work we have rehearsal and he wants the whole band to help him record a song he wrote.  (He says the whole band, but it'll be mostly us, and we both know it).  I don't know if he likes me, but I don't wanna get my hopes up because he's only here for another 2 weeks,  But I'm gonna be in Disney a few days after he leaves, and he has season passes and has never been before and he said he might come visit me in Disney. (If it wasn't already obvious enough I SUPER want that to happen.)  I'm also like 90% sure that if he was like "Hey wanna get married and move home with me" I'd be like "Sure" and I'd leave everything and everyone I've ever known and restart my life.  Tomorrow is my last full day of High School and to be honest I hope I can spend all my time with him before he leaves after tomorrow.
But you've read the first paragraph of this long blog post, you know that my life hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows since I last wrote.  I was also diagnosed with Depression a few days before my birthday, and it caught me off guard at first.  I didn't believe it, how could I be Depressed, this was the happiest I'd been in years.  But the more I though about it, the more real it became.  So maybe a fresh start would be good for me.  Who knows.  If you guys wanna be helpful little stalkers, and actually give me advice on this whole post it would be much appreciated.  Feel free to be useful in the comments section.  Or not, ya know whatever works.  I'll make sure to fill you guys in on everything afteyr Saturday (is that a date???) Catch ya on the flip side.
Yikes I almost accidentally deleted this whole post tht would've been bad.

well this is awkward

So its a Tuesday.  Just your average snow day.  Except for I think I like a boy.  And by I think, I mean yes.  We've known each other for 4 years now, but we weren't close until like 2 weeks ago.  Oh and we were up texting until 4 in the morning on Sunday.  And ya know it was super worth the sleep deprivation.  And its super exciting because we're going to college together in the fall, so we KNOW we're gonna get 4 more years.  Oh and we're going to Prom together, but that's another story.  So yeah.  But last week he told me that he'd always wanted to talk to me, but didn't because ya know sarcastic pessimism, and death threats.  But the second he found out we stopped being friends, he started talking to me.  So she was apparently stopping me from being happy all around lol.  WHateverr.  I like him and idc.  #yolo #livelifeontheedge #allgoodinthehood

So yeah I (hopefully) will have a boyfriend soon. And I have all new friends.  And my life right now is A1 so imma keep on going the way I am mkay? alllllrrrriggghhhhtttttty then.  This is your FAVE formerly depressed teen living the lifeeeeeeeeeeeee.  k bye

Yes, I DO realize how long it's been

Yeah yeah. I already know I'm the worst.  I know its been forever since I wrote a blog post but whatever.  A lot has happened in a month and a half.  When I stopped writing, it was because I was in Disney World on a family vacation, (which was super fun) then my sister was STILL hogging the laptop, and I was tired of wasting my data by writing blog posts from my room (since I have no wifi there, and don't want anyone to know about this blog.  But I finally got a laptop!!! It's supposed to be for homework and college stuff, but whatever.  I finally have a computer all to myself.  I have also been super duper busy lately because I was apart of the pit orchestra for my school's production of Hairspray.  Our last show was this past Saturday.  I really enjoyed doing the show, it made me feel like I was a part of something more than myself, and like I had a huge hand in pulling off a Broadway musical.  I also made a lot of new friends through the show, which is great especially considering my lack of friends, since my 3 best friends decided to team up against me and ambush me in an IHOP back in early February/late January idk I don't really remember that well.  All I know is that I'm done with the three of them.  I've moved on to bigger and better things, and to be honest, I have no intention of apologizing, or attempting to rekindle the relationships, because if you really want to be friends with someone, you don't team up with 2 of your best friends and go against another "best friend" no matter what you think they've done.  But whatever.  I have new friends now, and I'm happy with where my life is headed now.

im tired

i ran a lot of errands today. ya know when i wasn't at school. it's really a lot of work pretending to be a mom. um i'm super tired and my body is super sore too. and i cut the part between two of my toes yesterday and it's the freaking worst man. and i'm pretty sure my orchestra teacher is trying to summon satan with our current piece so that's fun.

nosebleeds

i'm learning how to do things for myself. i think i'm pretty good at it. it's hard for me to say no to things and people. i enjoy being there for other people. when someone asks me what i can do, i find it hard to answer because i can figure out how to do whatever needs to be done. i'm proficient in most tasks and i am willing to learn how to do more. i'm open to learning and trying new things. i like when i feel like someone else needs me and is depending on me for something. it makes me feel valuable, and needed. i feel like that's not the worst thing to derive your worth from.
it's getting warmer outside which is strange for mid january but whatever. there are only a few days of torture left this week before we get a break. ugh i keep getting nosebleeds because it's been so dry and it's the worst. like i'll be just chilling in class ya know half paying attention (which is better than i can say for most of the class) and then all of the sudden bam i'm bleeding. it's just the worst ya know like it's more of an inconvenience than anything else but still. it's almost midnight and i have school tomorrow talk to y'all tomorrow. sorry for another short post but i was super super busy today like i just got home at 10 for the first time since 7:30 this morning that was more than popping home to get changed. whatever i'm a busy kid bye.

i hate boys (except for MY boys)

really though. like why can't they just act normal? what is so wrong with a boy and a girl being friends? why does it always have to be something more than that?? like i've known my guy friends way too long for them to be anything more than that. i watched them grow up. i still see them as the little boys they were when i met them. they're like my children at this point. i've taken care of them when they're sick or hurt and i feed them and take care of them and i care about them. and today i found out that someone hurt one of my little boys. it was his girlfriend. she broke up with him. i don't know why, but i know it was through text around thanksgiving. he's not really a little boy, he's a freshman in college, but he still cried. she made my little boy cry. i don't like that. luckily, i'll likely never see her again, so she'll probably never hurt my little boy again.  i don't know why i'm like this. i don't like when people are upset and i act like a mama bear. it's probably gonna only get worse too. i don't really care.
sorry for the super short post but i can't think of anything to write and it's late.

back again

wow two posts in one day get wild on a monday. making up for lost time i guess. you know what i've never understood? why people always say mondays are the worst. i really don't mind mondays all that much. i think pretty much all week days aren't equally horrid, and as my piano teacher says, "one seventh of your life is mondays, don't go in hating one seventh of your life before it's even happened." i really like that honestly.
i don't know what i'm doing. with this blog i mean. i have my life figured out mostly and that's pretty good for being seventeen. i'm going to college next year for certain, having already been accepted, and getting an rn to be either a labor and delivery nurse or an er nurse. as a child i never even thought about being a nurse.  it was no where near on my radar. i always thought i would be a lawyer or a teacher  but never a nurse. as i got older and learned more about myself and medicine i realized that i would be really good at nursing and oh my glob this post sucks oh well we'll all get over it.
i'm still really hoping for the aquarium date. and maybe if i'm really lucky i'll see him tomorrow too. the chances of that are pretty slim to none but i'll still remain hopeful. i have been talking to him more recently than i used to and hopefully it'll stay like that (knock on wood) i've liked the same kid for three years now and idk why i keep saying kid. he's nineteen years old he's not a kid. whatever i like him and i've liked him for a while so i'm just super hopeful that it works itself out eventually. i like his family and they like me and my family likes him do it would just be super good okay??? comment any advice you have for me if you feel like it (but like actually please) wow i feel so vulnerable purting this all out on the internet but whatever it's too late now. it's late i'm going to bed. i'll write again tomorrow. until then.

sorry that i'm the worst

i know i've missed a few days. it's been an eventful two days to say the least. saturday morning, around 4 am one of the girls had a seizure. all the other girls in her room woke up and an ambulance came and got her and took her to the hospital. luckily, everything is okay. then saturday afternoon, after the morning session, we all went snowboarding. i only made it down the mountain once though, and it took me an hour because i fell so many times. this wasn't my first time snowboarding so i don't know why i was having so many issues and so many falls.  i couldn't stop once i picked up speed. the only way i was stopping was when i fell. and boy did i fall. with each fall i could feel the pain in my body growing and i kept telling myself that the only way to stop feeling the pain was to get to the bottom of the mountain. i knew that with each fall my pain would grow more intense in the days to come. the only thing standing between me and the lodge was the rest of that mountain and i had to get down it one way or another. i fell hard, and i fell often, and two days later i can still feel where i fell the hardest, and all my muscles are still sore from pushing my body back up onto my snowboard after falling and sliding each time. but i don't discount my experience on the mountain that day. it taught me a lot about who i am. it showed me that i am determined and i persevere through obstacles, but also that i know my limits. i'm finding my balance of what i can and can't do, and i'm okay with that. does this mean that i'll never snowboard again? probably not. it's likely that i'll go again, possibly even this year as crazy as that sounds. because to me, it's about the people i'm with, not what we're doing.
i'm not gonna lie here, it was an off weekend for everyone. people were just acting different than they usually do, and it was kinda weird. people that are usually outgoing were more detached, and one kid in particular who typically keeps to himself was hanging out with everyone, and was flirting with all of the girls in our group. people were just acting different for no reason and i'm not sure why.
it's so cold outside. i can't wait until friday. that's when i leave the cold and head for sunny orlando to spend the week in disney. it's in the upper teens right now and i miss the warmth of the sun more than ever. as someone who is always cold, i can't understand why anyone could prefer winter.
so here i sit. alone at a table in the cafeteria writing this post from my phone, which has become the norm recently. i don't really mind sitting alone because i know that my friends aren't outside the four walls that make up my high school. and i know that i'll still have them after high school. i can't wait for graduation though. having already been accepted into my first choice college i find it excruciatingly difficult to care about high school. i have just over four months left.
sorry this post has been kinda all over the place, i have a lot on my mind and only two minutes left of lunch. i might be going to the aquarium soon with the kid i like. we were talking about lions on saturday and i suggested we go to the zoo and see the lions, and he said that he likes the aquarium better because it has a better ambiance, so we should go there instead. i agreed, but inside i know that this will likely end up like all our other plans, that stay just that. but who knows, maybe i'll plant the idea in his head later and it'll actually happen...
lunch is over gotta go back to calculus. i'll be posting again tomorrow and maybe even later today if you're really lucky

it's all good in the hood

So guess what. i'm going snowboarding this weekend on a retreat with all my friends. except the thing is i didn't know i was gonna be able to go until about an hour ago. you see, i was going to get the ingredients to make my moms birthday cake, and i stopped to say goodbye to them, and they told me to come with them, because another girl got sick and couldn't come. so i called my parents and my mom told me to go. so here i am in the car on the way to the hotel. i'm so freaking excited.
i'm just now realizing that i'm going to start this week on the mountains and end it in florida, because we're going to disney world this friday.
i don't know how i'm going to keep up on this blog without anyone noticing, but rest assured i'll find a way. today was not a snow day from school, but oh well. it's all good in the hood ya know, because life has a funny way of working itself out. i mean really it always works out in the end. i gotta go, we're about to stop for dinner. i'll tell you guys how snowboarding goes tomorrow byeee

i really need a snow day

i just feel like i could really use one. like the three days of school this week have been too much and i could really just use an extra day off or two ya know.
i'm super terrible at writing essays for school. like i get average scores at best and today i got handed back an essay with the worst grade i've ever gotten on a timed writing before and usually she lets us redo them but she took too long to grade them so now we're out of time in the quarter. i really wanna fight her sometimes.
i got a lot of scholarship stuff done yesterday when i was pretending to be a productive person with their life together lol. if i do have to go to school tomorrow though, at least it's my easy day. that makes school much more tolerable.
ugh i am so lazy. i don't even wanna get up to turn my fan on. it's too much effort to get some water and braid my hair and eat oreos even though they're all things i wanna do. and i had to take the recycling out tonight and i was so paranoid i was looking all around me the entire time i was taking it out and i sprinted the whole way back home. i cant ever remember a time, even as a kid when i didn't sprint back home. and because i did it, naturally all my little sisters followed in my footsteps and all of us still do it to this day even though it's been about 10 years.
it's getting to that time of night again friends, the time where i tell myself i'm gonna go to bed and then don't actually and as you probably could've guessed, my sister still has the laptop. i tried to write at school today, and the firewall blocked it because this web address is "unknown" i think this should count as creative writing and that i should get some sort of credit for writing something. in a way, this collection of my thoughts shows what i've learned throughout the day about people and teachers and social interactions and life in general in addition to the writing skills demonstrated in some of my better posts. anyway i'm off to bed see you kids on the flip side.

what is my deal with pineapple

guess who's sister still hasn't caught up on homework? my sister. you'd think after 2 months she'd be able to make up for a week missed. but really though she's ridiculous. oh my glob i was at school today and i got like a mini nosebleed and it started to drip down my throat(sorry thats kinda gross i'm now realizing) and it was the worst feeling it started burning.
I just found out that my english teacher just moved in a couple blocks away, on the same street as my old best friend who now hates me for some unknown reason but we'll get into that on another day. I went to baskin robbins today. you know how they have those clown cones? well i bought all 7 of them. and i know the girl who was working there and she was all "why are you buying all of those" and i said it was because i wanted to and i could and my entire family wanted them so i had to get them. okay?
oh my glob my school is doing hairspray as our musical this year and i'm playing bass guitar in the pit orchestra and the guitar section is the best thing ever. at rehearsal yesterday i sat on a huge amp crisscross applesauce with no shoes and no one even thought twice about it. my section has 2 guys that play electric guitar and me and this other guy on electric bass. i wasn't sure how pit orchestra was gonna go, because the kids that hate me the most at school all do pit orchestra, and it's not that i care what they think, but i'd rather not spend 2 hours a week and all the hours of tech week and the performances with so many unappealing clones of the same person. but it's turning out to actually be fun.
wow it's after 11 how did this happen?? i mean i know time goes on at the same rate but whatever it still surprises me sometimes. guess i'll go to bed, night kiddos.

pineapple is for the soul

on today's episode of my life: school restarted. yes, it was just as miserable as i had anticipated. but i didn't have work or any plans (for the first time in forever) so i stayed home and watched more episodes of untold stories of the er. i love that show so much. it really shows just how stupid people are and that you never know what people are gonna do. ya know, for the most evolved species, some of us don't act very evolved.
i got some more pineapple today. i cut it up all nice and put it in a bowl in the fridge and i ate some of it then, and i'm glad i did before my sisters ate it all. younger siblings are just the worst sometimes. (or most times but whatever)
the more time i spend on my own, away from the people i depended on the mosr, the. ore i see just how derived my personality is from my interactions with them. i guess it's kinda good to detox a little bit. when i was little i always had this air about me, like i was gonna be who i was and people were gonna like that, but i guess when i got into middle school i kind of lost that. one thing i've never lost, however is my ability to cause fear in people. apparently, people feel threatened by me, which has worked both to my benefit, and against me all throughout my lifetime. it gives me a little bit of confidence in my ability to protect myself, should the situation arise, but it has caused friends of mine to want to keep their distance, to avoid upsetting me. i didn't realize that i was so threatening to so many people until recently, but apparently i am. i mean honestly look at my profile picture i don't look threatening do i? feel free to comment your opinions.
i gotta go to bed since this whole "school" thing is still happening. oh yea that reminds me i was in class today and my teacher asked me to do him a favor, and hands me his keys and tells me to go out to his car and get some boxes out of his trunk, in the middle of class. so i'm walking through the halls, keys in hand, and the teacher with the least amount of trust in me looks at me as i walk past his classroom after hearing the jingling of the keys. i looked at him, dead in the face and said "don't worry about it" and continued on my merry way. i thought that was pretty fan-fricken-tastic.
alright so school is still tomorrow, pineapple is still delicious, and my sister is still hogging the laptop. talk to y'all tomorrow

finally got the crunch wrap

you'll all be very happy to know that i did finally get my crunch wrap. it is however with great sadness that i tell you all that i have to go back to school tomorrow. I did just eat some oreos though and that was pretty good.
oh my glob old people are so petty. Honestly though they are just the worst. it's like they have nothing better to do so they just complain about the dumbest little things that mean absolutely nothing to anyone. thanks to some in particular i now get to spend my time counting crackers. seriously though in the grand scheme of things is it really going to matter if there were four unsalted and four salted crackers on your table every night??? NO!!! it's meaningless and a waste of my time and the company dollar. (sorry for the rant but the point is coming) i hope when i get to be that old i don't think that the only thing that's worth worrying about is how many crackers are in a basket or butters are in a bowl. it's kind of sad actually.
sorry for the lack of capitalization and proper grammar on these last two posts my sisters been hogging the laptop.
So i guess i should probably go to bed now bc it's almost midnight and i have school tomorrow and honestly idk if i'm ready for that reality (please let it snow or let the roads freeze or something) oh but i almost forgot my last day of sleeping in was TARNISHED bc i went out to breakfast with my grandparents and they're morning people for some odd reason so they insisted that we go out at 8:30 (they said they were letting me sleep in) and then they didn't even come to get me and my sisters until almost nine. ugh i guess that's a continuation of my old people rant but whatever. i'm really glad that someone changed the Hollywood sign to say Hollyweed. it's pretty funny. until tomorrow then bye

It's almost 2 am on New Years Day.  I think I'd rather not post this actually i'm too tired to write.
Ok that is why I don't write in the middle of the night. I'm supposed to be at a surprise party right now but it doesn't start until 7 am done i miss a little earl you but whatevs. guess i'll go in. sorry this post i said so lame i'll probably add more later k